Freak

Going to a wedding alone and single can really help to distinguish you from the rest of the crowd, especially when you don’t know anyone else there but the bride and groom who are fluttering about in a surreal dream. Their sincere friends would introduce themselves to me and marvel at the fact that I had taken all forms of public transportation to arrive at the rehearsal dinner in nine grueling hours, carrying only a backpack in which they imagined could only contain a pair of sneakers and sweatpants (for a wedding?!)…There were ensuing anxious whispers as to what I would be wearing to the ceremony as a Huppa holder, a very central image in the posterity of photographs to be taken on the special day.



During dinner there was plenty of keen interest in the summary of my life, which I described in snippets between sips of wine and bites of chicken marsala. As usual, the husbands and boyfriends were enthralled, while the wives and girlfriends were fearing for their lives that this wanderer with a backpack may unseat their reign with tales of facing off corrupt customs officials and digging pit toilets. Still, they listened attentively as their partners reassuringly rubbed their shoulders and gave them occasional kisses on the nose, the usual “you’re-still-my-honeybunny” gestures. As I shared, each took their turn with their travel tales and adventures, and I would reciprocate in kind with another regal tale. It was all good fun until I had this overwhelming sense from their looks that I should shut up or I was about to be abandoned in a corner as the pathological lying freak.

I laid awake that night wondering if everyone would have been more comfortable if I had been there with a partner? At least my life would have had some semblance to their own domesticated bliss. It would have reassured them that I was as weak and needy and human on the inside as they are…I wondered if I should have told them I once worked at McDonald’s?

Comments

[ALEJANDRA34Perkins]

Cars and houses are not cheap and not everyone can buy it. But, business loans was invented to aid different people in such kind of cases.

[athena]

every wedding i've been to i have taken one of my girlfriends (friends who are female) as my date. this really throws people for a loop. i believe that a lot of people *choose* to not think about life beyond the confines of how they are told it should be. i know personally how annoying and unnerving it can be, but ultimately, it's their problem.

[Marya Morevna]

Wow, Dee, this is great- and congrats on Uzbekistan. I love absolutely every person I've ever met who spent time in the Peace Corps- your photos are going to be amazing!!!!!! I'm guessing its going to be difficult to blog from there, though...
and Dee? Ben and I have been at those weddings regaling together, and the only thing that makes it better is that there are two of us to reassure each other at the end of the evening that we are NOT lying freaks.

[Paul Watson]

People seem to have a problem with "loners" in general. I went to the cinema and had dinner alone last Saturday night (was working late in the office and felt like a break so popped out for a bit). Asking for 1 movie ticket elicited the usual raised eyebrows. At the restaurant the waiter repeatedly asked when my dinner date was arriving. Maybe I should have had a "No, I have not been stood up" sign? People did the usual point and stare routine.

So there, even out of an event about partners and couples, people found it hard to deal with. Maybe they feel sorry for us, think we are alone (and therefore unhappy) not out of choice. All I know is I have made my choices and I am happy. Hard to communicate that to others who have such a fear of being alone though.

[jo anne]

i wonder sometimes if i am old enough to know about what to sacrifice and what to pursue. i have a concrete idea now but then again, i am only 20. what do you think?

[Wendy]

I'm sure they would be more comfortable if you were there with a partner - I find that as well, either that or I am acting as an impromptu marriage counselor. Most of the time I'd rather be around my single friends, or, my friends without their spouse.